Thursday, 25 April 2013

Rihanna’s Wedding To Chris Brown And Why We Should Send Congratulations

Hey guys! Remember when Chris Brown beat his girlfriend Rihanna all up in the face back on February 8, 2009, while they were en route to the Grammy Awards? Well, the victim of that crime is now apparently planning a beach wedding! And it’s killing me because as much as I want to shit all over this bound-to-fail union, I can’t. Chris Brown hit her in the face – hard – and it doesn’t matter why or who started it, and it doesn’t matter if she “made him mad” or if he had a really, really bad day. But I still can’t say anything negative about her wanting to marry this guy (and neither should you) because it’s not our decision.
Being a reasonable, compassionate human being sucks sometimes, doesn’t it?
Now Magazine quotes a source close to Rihanna as saying the singer wants her wedding to be a  giant, carnivalesque “Fuck You!” to the world. The source adds that Rihanna and Chris want a beach wedding in Barbados, and that the celebration will include only those who “have stood by them.”

Now, I hate everything I know about Chris Brown and for the record I think he’s a douchebag of the highest order. Actually, he’s worse than a douchebag because a douchebag at least serves a purpose. It also comes into contact with lady parts and Chris Brown should not be allowed that privilege. He’s an angry, violent, suck-hole of a carbon-based life form, and I wouldn’t cry a single salty tear if he lost his ability to get hard in a speedboat accident.
Rihanna knows as much as we do about her betrothed and more. She has the internet and can read and also? SHE LIVES WITH THE  ASSHOLE AND SHE TOOK A BEATING. We can’t and shouldn’t say a thing about their continued relationship and upcoming nuptials because Rihanna is an abused woman and she’s making decisions that come from that mindset.  Any attempt to remove her from his life will almost certainly be met with opposition (as evidenced in her ” fuck you” declaration.)
Guess what we say to new brides? Everybody smile and practice with me now: “Congratulations!” or  “I hope you have a happy life together!”  or  “Best wishes!” or anything else that is positive and not at all victim-blaming. Grit your teeth, down a few gin and tonics and just shut up about it already. Our opinion about this marriage probably being the biggest mistake and disaster in- waiting isn’t going to change Rihanna’s mind because she is an adult woman with full use of her faculties and she’s capable of making decisions, no matter how incredibly stupid we think they are.
Maybe Chris Brown has changed. I doubt it, based on the recent reports of him going nuts on a valet for a $10 charge and calling  Frank Ocean names and fighting over a parking spot. And then there was the whole “I own your p***y, bitch!” incident. It’s pretty clear from his public behaviour that he’s in possession of something my Gramma calls “an unfortunate personality.” People can change. Sometimes. But not often. Or hardly ever. But we used to think of Mel Gibson as a sex symbol and a really nice family man, so in Hollywood anything is possible, right?
So Rihanna and Chris? Congratulations. I hope you have a happy life together.

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